Coming up with ways to make the stories fresh was getting more and more difficult. Ever since the Merry Grue novel “50 Shades of Brains” had swept the romance market, readers devoured the books at an increasing rate. Thom had been having trouble generating any new plots that fit the book selling requirements: Funny, Romantic (love at first bite, devotion forever) and kinky enough to satisfy in four scenes or less.
He’d gone to the clubs, but it was the same old faces, the oldest desires—and he needed new kicks, new kinks, in this new brave world where money was easy as long as he could keep writing. Reading books on magic and fantasy was no help, they repeated the same tropes he’d started with. D&D had infected everything and GoT had nailed the coffin closed with strong images. And you couldn’t use GoT characters, since they were planning to open GoTLand the Disney lawyers had become rabid—the lawsuit followed the takedown order in less than a day.
Drinking wasn’t helping. He could have enough rum mixed together to drown a pirate (with a little citrus to keep him from getting scurvy) and still his brain wasn’t working. He needed something new, a new angle, new experiences.
Someone had been asking around for him in the clubs—perhaps if he meditated? Saw his mother more often? Hung out with his old friend, his mother’s ridiculously cute dog, PomPom? He resolved to do all these things, and asked his mother to come over for dinner on Sunday.
Sitting in redneck lotus on the living room floor, Thom was surprised when PomPom rushed in to lick his face—where was Mom? She had opened the door, then hip bumped it as she carried the package from the doorstep, wrapped in a brown paper bag in. As he finished his mantra, his eyes widened—he hadn’t told her about the death threats from the evangelical christian church he had received. There had been no package on the doorstep earlier.
The internet news lead off with:
“While he said “Om” The Bomb killed ZomRomCom Dom Thom, his Mom, and her pet, Pom-Pom.”
– John R. Schmidt,
with help and encouragement from Alice Cornwell, inspired by Jeannie Warner.